I have been fortunate enough to celebrate another birthday. As another year is added to my life, I wonder if I’m living my life to the fullest. Steve Jobs talked about death being the destination we all share, and the biggest regret people have before they pass is not pursuing their dreams and doing what they love. So with another year passing I want to reflect on my own life.
Childhood isn’t something I enjoy talking about so I will talk about high school leading to college. Before graduating high school, I wanted to be a programmer. I really liked being able to build things, and enjoyed logic subjects like physics, math, and programming. I took AP Computer Science during my junior and senior year, but failed to pass the AP exams. I still remember my teacher talking to me after I failed the first exam by one point. He said, “Since the grade you got now is what you need to pass the next course’s exam, you should pass. Or else I’m going to hunt you down at UW… By the way, I’m a guest lecturer there so I’ll find you.” It still makes me laugh thinking about it. FYI, I failed the exam by one point again, and no, he didn’t hunt me down… To the best of my knowledge at least.
Although I was taking computer science in high school, my parents didn’t approve of me studying that in college. The dot com crash was still fresh on my dad’s mind, and as I was growing up I remember him constantly telling me that the computer science field didn’t lead to a secure career. Even though I enjoyed it, I wasn’t allowed to use a computer freely (or TV… or much else for that matter), and what my dad told me left quite an impression (the harsh punishment for breaking the rules was a strong deterrent too).
The paths “encouraged” by my parents were typical of Asian families: 1) Doctor; 2) Lawyer. Saving lives appealed to me more so I said I’d become a doctor. My first quarter course load was physics, math, and chemistry. Next quarter I passed on math and physics since I was already ahead in the series due to AP credit, and took Introduction to Psychology and Japanese. Learning Japanese was always a passion of mine, so I was glad to finally be able to take the course. Despite switching up my courses, I ended the first year with an average GPA of ~2.7 out of 4.0.
I realized that I really didn’t like what I was doing. I didn’t want to become a doctor. I skipped almost all of my classes because I just didn’t enjoy it at the time. Even though I really wanted to learn Japanese, I still ended up skipping a lot of the classes. I remember arguing a lot with my parents over the summer once I told them my grade.
As I was waiting for the first class of the new academic year to begin, I started to really resent what I was doing. The class I was in was a chemistry class I was retaking in order to meet the grade requirement for the next course. As the professor walked in and started to set up for class, I decided this wasn’t what I wanted to do, and got up and left the class. At the time, I really wanted to learn Japanese and study abroad. I had another lengthy argument with my parents, but this time they said I can do whatever I want as long as I do my best. I went straight to an advisor and changed my major to Japanese linguistics.
I look back on that and am reminded of how I finally took control and started living my own life. Studying abroad is the best thing I did in college. It was delayed a little though because of my low GPA. I wanted to join a program that followed our academic year, but because of my GPA the study abroad advisor said she couldn’t recommend my application. However, if I showed progress over the next 6 months and raised my major GPA, I could try for the year long program that followed Japan’s academic year and started in Spring. I worked hard and impressed the advisor so much that she even recommended me for the JASSO scholarship without my knowledge. Only 2 people receive that scholarship for our school, and she told me I was the first one she thought of. During one morning commute to school in Japan, I came to the realization that a Japanese linguistics degree would not help me find a job that could support a family. I went straight to the library and looked into available graduate degrees. Being in Japan, a country known for technology, I started to think that what my dad had told me growing up wasn’t all inclusive. So I decided to look into graduate programs that I thought were more technical. I called my parents that day and told them my plan. They were a bit surprised that I had decided to pursue a graduate degree on my own, but said I could pursue it.
I decided to join the Masters in Information Management program at UW because I thought it would be a good blend of technical and business. There were two things that left a lasting impact. The first was the user-centered design course we took our first quarter. The professor really changed the way I look at things. We were pushed to envision what mobile devices would be like in the year 2020, and had to focus on product design and presentation because we presented our solutions to a panel of senior employees at mobile companies like Intel. The change management class left the biggest impact. For the first time, I felt like a professor actually cared about helping us succeed in our lives. The course was designed to encourage us to pursue what we enjoyed, and to help us realize that we’re capable of achieving anything we set our minds to. I still work with and consider Kevin Desouza my professor, mentor, and friend.
The change management course really made me evaluate myself again. Coming into the masters program, I had originally thought I would graduate and look for a management position at some large technology company. I thought that was all I could achieve. However, I was beginning to think I wanted to try and achieve more. During the final quarter of our program, Kevin told me about a jam session he was putting together where companies would share their real information problems, and we would be tasked with finding a viable solution. I got a team together, and the problem we were presented with was a knowledge management problem. We were runner-up, but the experience was invaluable. This was when I really decided that I wanted to try and venture out on my own.
I had several ideas, but at the time I thought the natural route was to start a consulting company. I wanted to help foster knowledge exchange. Unfortunately, the global economic crisis had just happened a few months earlier so no one was willing to spend money on some new grad. I decided to drop that and pursue another idea I had developed during an internship I did in South Korea. I realized people needed information, but in many cases that information was locked away in another system. I decided to try and pursue that idea to create an integrated knowledge system. Two friends, who are both old enough to be my dad, took a liking to my idea and decided to join me in the venture. I thought it was great because one had extensive executive experience and the other had engineering/architect experience. They both also shared the same enthusiasm I had for solving problems. I thought we had a great team. However, for various reasons and a fundamental difference in how we viewed startups, the venture never took off. We had opportunities, but personal differences made it difficult to take those chances.
Around this time, Kevin made a Facebook post wondering if there were any PhD students interested in his work. I responded and said I wasn’t a PhD student, but I was interested in his work. He responded saying we’ll talk, and before I knew it I was putting together my application to join the PhD program. I thought it was good because it gave my venture a deadline to start, and in the event it failed (which it did) I had something else that would allow me to pursue my interests. I was deeply interested in entrepreneurship and innovation, and so was Kevin.
After joining the PhD program, I really started to wonder if this was what I wanted to do. I was studying innovation and entrepreneurship because I was really interested in it, but is studying it all I wanted to do? I realized that I really wanted to jump in to try and be a part of it instead of sitting on the sidelines researching and documenting it. Towards the end of my first year, my professor asked me how I felt about the program so far, and I told him my honest opinion. I was afraid at first that he would be upset after he’d helped me so much, but he wasn’t. In fact, he was really encouraging and told me that I should pursue it. Go forward without looking back. It was perfect timing too because he was pursuing something else as well. With my professor’s blessing, I quit the PhD program. Several people thought I was crazy. I also talked with the two friends I was trying to start a company with, and told them that our differences made it impossible for us to do a startup together. Nothing had happened in the year we were working together, so I was going to go and do this on my own with one of my best friends. I still think they’re really talented, but a startup isn’t something they can commit to because of the high risk it has.
The goal with my friend was to look into joining an incubator. However, despite having known each other for years, we hadn’t really “worked” together. We played badminton together so we knew how to fight for each other, but we hadn’t worked on something together. We decided to try and create a badminton tournament management app as a way of working together and giving back to the sport we loved. We gave ourselves a few months, so I thought we were good. Unfortunately, things weren’t good. Both of us had some important personal matters come up that slowed things down, and in the end my friend said he couldn’t consider doing a startup at the time.
A bit devastated, I took some time to think about things and committed to finding a job. I believed in my idea, and was able to refine it and scale it down to a starting point that wasn’t a “boil the ocean” approach. Once firms grow larger, it is (extremely) difficult for leaders, particularly the CEO, to know what’s going on in their company. What projects are going on, who’s working on what, what’s the value proposition of the projects, etc. These are all things the CEO, as well as managers, need to know, but have difficulty figuring out without asking someone who ends up needing to ask others. The thing that struck me was when I read an article about Larry Page emailing managers telling them to pitch him on what they were working on in 60 words or less. There is no way this is a one-time event. Senior managers, especially CEOs, need a way to know what’s going on in their own company. Surely technology can serve as a tool to better support all levels of the organization. This was when I really felt like I figured out the starting point – project management. The thought of the integrated knowledge system really came together as a result of the jam session. As I contemplated the issue we were presented with, I started thinking about how best practices and lessons learned repositories are severely underutilized. That’s because they’re repositories. The very definition of repository is to store something. It isn’t designed to make things easy to retrieve, or leverage what’s stored inside. I was discussing this with the guy who had extensive executive experience, and he shared with me how a lot of waste was done at the large aerospace company he worked at because best practices and lessons learned would rarely be used primarily because it was so vast that no one knew how to find what they needed when putting a project together. I thought a system could be designed to make better use of the vast knowledge in companies. My starting point for this was around project management, and I ended up being more convinced that project management, particularly the design of the software, was critical in solving this issue. Most of the people I shared my idea with gave me their honest opinion that while it was ambitious, if I were able to pull it off it would be something people needed. The more vague idea I had shared with the executive guy is what got him really interested in getting more involved because he said he would’ve wanted what I was setting out to do. However, I had failed so I needed to go and get a job. I put my ambition to rest and started looking for a job.
As fate would have it, someone else I knew was doing a startup. He was a part of the cohort after me in the masters program, and we were meeting up for coffee to talk about his startup. He invited his brother and co-founder over as well since he was in the area, and we talked about their startup and entrepreneurship in general. This really started getting me interested in trying again. At one point a while back I had shared that I was doing a startup and they asked me what happened with it, so I shared what happened. I also shared that despite the issues with my “co-founders” (we’re the founders of nothing), I also had to really reflect on me being an entrepreneur – or a “wantrepreneur.” The both of them looked at me for a bit, said they understood what I said, but also really encouraged me to reconsider. While it is tough, being an entrepreneur is the most fulfilling thing they’ve done.
Shortly after, my best friend and I were talking and he was more open to trying to do a startup with me again. We put the badminton tournament management app aside and started working on my idea. A few weeks into it, my friend realized he wanted to pursue something else, and this didn’t seem to align with his pursuit. He is one of the most talented developers and designers I know, especially because he has an uncanny desire to continuously learn, but his interest was more in the intersection of art and expression through technology. While I was pretty disappointed that he bailed on me a second time, I want him to pursue what he loves. I had a feeling this would happen too, so I wasn’t too surprised. I spent a few days really thinking about things again. What is it that I’m failing at? Am I really just not cut out to be an entrepreneur? Then it hit me: the problem is me.
Reflecting on everything, I realized that the reason why things weren’t succeeding was because of me. The entire time I was relying on other people to get things done. Mark Suster has the phrase, “JFDI,” which is an altered Nike phrase so you can figure out what it means. I was thinking I was doing something and things would magically get done when in reality I was sitting on the side doing nothing. I needed to stop thinking so much about the idea, waiting around for others to do the work, and just do it myself. It hit me that this was my last chance to pursue this and really get things going. I won’t get another opportunity. Although I’ve had other (paying) work to do that has slowed things down a little, the past 2 weeks have been the most productive and motivated weeks since deciding to change my major to Japanese. I have spent my time picking up ExpressJS and MongoDB so that I can build a functional prototype.
This time I really am jumping in. What little I have is being spent towards this. I will give it my all and see where it goes. Live life without regrets.